I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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