Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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