Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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