her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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