In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
