i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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