I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
