Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize