If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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