we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
