man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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