I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
