It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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