thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
