I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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