She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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