What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
