it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
