You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
