wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dignity is for republicans.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
