Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize