i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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