Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
