So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
