She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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