What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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