guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize