I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
