He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
