Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
