She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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