Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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