it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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