New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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