you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
