So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
