just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
