this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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