The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
