I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
