Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
