the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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