the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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