didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
