Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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