i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
