Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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