I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Randomize
