would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize