Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
