My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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