Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
