Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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