Porn is love you can see.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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