i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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