No subtext here. People are naked.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize