the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
