I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
