my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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