too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
