you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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