just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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