Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
