You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
