my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
