and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
