so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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