:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
